Love Lessons with Naruto
by kunoichi023
Summary: Lesson 1: 'How to deal with a cold heart' with yours truly, Naruto!-- Let's try it Sakura-chan! Some attention catching, seducing, flirting and pretending should work unless he's... gay! SasuSaku Oneshot. Naruto's PoV. AU.


Another random one shot! When the idea came out from my mind, I immediately wrote it down. I had fun typing since I thought it was funny. I hope you'll have fun reading it too! Reviews please!

* * *

**Naruto's PoV**

Actually, I've never given much thought to where I'm good at. Besides eating a lot of ramen, winning ramen-eating contests, having friends, being good at pranks and eating plenty of ramen (what? I mentioned that already?), I never imagined that I'll be good at giving love advices too. Honestly, that's the last thing I would give to a problematic person. But you see, when a friend comes running at your house at night, crying, you wouldn't want that! Of course not. (Good thing was I got advices from Kakashi and Jiraiya!)

One night, Sakura came to my house and she was crying. She said she was already tired of being turned down by my arrogant jerk teme, Sasuke. Really, it's annoying that all girls want his attention and I pity the girls for liking my friend who is nothing but an ice cube. Take that Sasuke! Anyway, when it comes to Sakura, it's different. She was my childhood crush and after giving her up (because I know she loves Sasuke too much), would I want her to give up on the cold jerk as well?

So when she came that night, I gave her random words of advice (which I thought wasn't an advice by the way) like what boys like and stuff like that. It was too random, and mostly perverted (but I was saying the truth), I thought she would punch me and get out of my apartment regretting that she went to me.

I was glad that she went out feeling better. What I didn't expect was she would come back the next day to ask for my help and… that's where it all started.

* * *

**Love Lessons with Naruto**

**Lesson 1: How to deal with cold-hearted jerk**

"A mission?" I asked Sakura when she came at my apartment after school. A mission. I like the sound of that!

"Yes Naruto, you have to help me." She sat on the couch and brought out some pink stuff out from her bag. Pink pen, pink paper, pink everything! I sighed at this. Too girly.

Ignoring the pink stuff, I flashed a grin at her. "Do I get some incentive?" When I asked, she grinned at me as well and I took that as a yes. "Sweet," I said and sat on the couch to listen to her. "Let's hear it," and she smirked at me.

"Before I tell you about the mission, I think motivating you first would be best." I saw her shift her weight on the couch before crossing her legs, still not removing her smirk on her pale white face. I like where this is going!

I think she noticed how excited I look because she smirked wider or maybe I was just missing something here but come on! I want to hear it! Will she buy me a car? Will I get a free ramen stub or will she give all the ramens in the world to me??

"If this mission will be a success," Aw come on Sakura! No cliffhangers! "I will give you free ramen for two months-"

"I love you Sakura!!!!" Sakura is the best! Free ramen for two months? What more could I ask for? Woooh! Life is so kind to me! "Ahem," she coughed. Oh, I didn't notice that I was jumping around the room already so I sat down with a big grin on my face and a look as if there was a big poster with a 'Thank you' sign on it. I think my smile is beginning to reach my ears already!

"And of course, I'll help you out whenever you need me." She smiled at me. She's a fallen angel!!! This is the best day of my life!

"Anything!" I told her and she smiled in satisfaction.

"I'll call it 'Mission get the prince charming'"

Uh oh. I guessed it right, I knew it! Sasuke. (Well, maybe I didn't really guess it. Hehe) I narrowed my eyes for a bit. I'm Uzumaki Naruto! I won't give up on anything!.. Especially when free ramen is on the line.

"Sure Sakura but I prefer to call it 'Mission get the cold jerk' or something like that." I laughed but she threw her pen at me. "Hey!" What did I do? I thought it was pretty funny!

"Idiot." I heard her mutter under her breath. Come on, prince charming doesn't suit a cold jerk like him. "Now Naruto, what shall we do first?" She asked me. Huh? Am I the one who's supposed to create the plan? I thought I was just going to help with the execution of the plan? But…. Anything! Anything for free ramen!

"Leave this to me," I grinned.

**Operation get Sasuke STEP 1: ****Get His Attention!**

"..but I tried that many times before. All I get is a 'Hn', 'You're annoying' and all that. Not more than two sentences of response!" Sakura pouted and I saw that her eyes looked sad for a second. Really, that jerk Sasuke. He doesn't treasure a girl's heart. (Something I learned from Kakashi-sensei and Jiraiya)

Now Kakashi-sensei and Jiraiya-perv, you'll see how good I have become!

"..but a boy cannot stand a girl who is crying, let alone seeing them down. You just have to act like you're spacing out and sad and you'll get his attention plus two sentences in no time!" Hah! I'm a genius!

"Are you sure he'll notice me?"

"We'll have him to say.. 'Sakura, are you all right? Do you want to talk about it?'"

"Sasuke wouldn't say that." Sakura looked down and I got even more motivated.

"Come on! It's worth giving a try!"

"Fine."

* * *

Location: Classroom

Time: Last period

I told you I'm a genius! I got Sakura to exchange seats with me so she would sit beside Sasuke. Hm, I think she's making her move already. That's great Sakura, keep going. We have only a few minutes before dismissal time comes.

She was staring outside the window with her right arm supporting her chin. That's it. Pretend that you're spacing out!

I glanced at Sasuke. As usual, he was emotionless as ever. This jerk!

**-The school bell rings-**

Great! Now we just have to wait for most of the students to leave.

I sat for a while before I fixed my things. I think the plan is going smooth. Sakura is still sitting on her chair and trying to pretend that she's oblivious about things. I think she's acting pretty well. Oh, Sasuke's starting to fix his things too. Most of our classmates already went out so I think Sasuke's going to notice Sakura soon since she sits beside him.

"Hey," Sasuke spoke, his voice monotone like always. This is it!

"Class is over. You look stupid Sakura." WHAT THE HELL? Sasuke you're really an idiot!!!!!

"Huh?" I heard Sakura say but Sasuke was already out before everybody knew.

'**Operation Get Sasuke' Step 1: FAIL!**

* * *

"Sakura, come on, cheer up. At least He spoke two sentences and he noticed you." I tried to cheer Sakura up. We're currently at Ichiraku. I'm eating my favorite ramen of course while Sakura is sulking.

"He said I look stupid!!" Sakura is whining and I do not know what to do. I'd like to say that stupid is better than annoying but of course, I do not want my free ramen for two months to be lost so I decided to shut my mouth.

"If only Sasuke has a weakness," she mumbled, still whining like a child. Weakness? Of course he has!

"I know! No tomatoes for a week! That's his weakness!" Right! Sasuke cannot stand not eating a tomato for a week! Sakura eyed me curiously, I wonder if ideas are now forming inside her head.

"We will steal all his tomatoes and when he can't stand it, you will give him tomatoes! And he will thank you! You're a genius Sakura ouch!" She hit me again, this time using the chopsticks. What was wrong with what I said this time?

"Idiot! Of course he can buy tomatoes again after we stole it!" Oh right. I didn't think of that. To think that the idea of stealing Sasuke's tomato would be nice. Sakura and I will wear all black outfits (with guns and nets for tomato stealing) and we will sneak inside the Uchiha's house. That would be fun. Wait, weakness?

"hihihi," I laughed evilly. Of course, every guys weakness! You're great Jiraiya-perv! I never thought that your lessons would come in handy someday.

"What?" Sakura raised her brow.

**Operation get Sasuke STEP 2: ****Seduce Him**

"What?? I can't do that! I don't know anything about seducing a guy! Come on Naruto, don't you have a better idea?" Sakura blushed and I laughed at her. Her expression now is priceless! She's really embarrassed especially when other people glanced at our way.

"You will need a bolder approach Sakura! You cannot get Sasuke if you will not do that!" I explained to her and she looked so terrified. Of course, a girl as beautiful as Sakura, Sasuke wouldn't stand if she seduced him unless… you know.

"How? How will I do it?" She asked me and judging from the look on her face, I think she's still terrified at my idea. I don't think it's scary though. It's pretty exciting.

"Come here." I asked her to move closer to me and she followed.

"Since there's a 90% chance of raining tomorrow afternoon, all you need to do is *whisper*. Did you get it?" She nodded and I continued. "*Whisper*" Her eyes widened and she shot me a scared look. I was trying hard to hold my laughter back since I think my plan is great!!

"..act sexy. After that, he would probably walk you home and score! That's one step Sakura. I'll be there but you won't see me." I found myself grinning again. This would be good but Sakura, uh oh! Don't tell me she's about to cry!

"Hey, Sakura come on! You can do it!"

* * *

Location: Outside the basketball team's locker room

Weather: Strong rain with thunder

Time: Around 5:30 in the afternoon after the team's practice.

"There Sakura! I can see Sasuke. He's about to go out!" I'm pretty sure that Sasuke is always the last one to go out from the locker rooms. I guess he was tasked to close the lights that's why he's always the last one to go out.

"Unbutton your first three buttons Sakura." She looked scared again but did what I told her. "Don't look!" She slapped my face and turned me around. Good thing was the slap wasn't too hard!

You want know my amazing plan? Hehe! Well, I told Sakura to make sure she'll leave her school blazer at home that's why she's only wearing her long sleeved uniform and skirt. She unbuttoned the first three buttons so that Sasuke will see her bra. Actually, I told her to go bra shopping with me but I only received a smack on the head. Again. Was there something wrong with what I said?

The plan is she will stand in front of the locker room, with her back facing the door, and she will wait for Sasuke. Of course I told her take a bath in the rain to add more effect. Great idea right? She'll just have to act and oh, here he comes!

"Sakura?" Sasuke asked right after he closed the door of the locker room. Sakura turned around and god! Sasuke don't tell me you're going to let this pass!! I will kill you if you will let this passssss!!!! Sakura is so damn hot! If I didn't like Hinata then I would definitely settle for Sakura!

(By the way, I'm hiding in the bushes)

"Sasuke?" She asked in a sweet and at the same time flirtatious tone and started walking to Sasuke. Hah. I didn't know you're good at this. Shit, her bra is red!

"You're wet, what are you doing?" I leaned closer to listen more. It's hard to listen when it is raining you know. Oh, here's the part that we practiced!

"Well, I'm looking for something and Ah!" She stumbled (on purpose by the way) and fell on Sasuke's chest. Sasuke's eyes widened. Come on teme, is she turning you on now??

"Um-" Sakura tried to talk to be more realistic I guess and she pressed her breasts on his chests making Sasuke blush. Wait, am I really seeing this? Sasuke blushed? Sasuke blushed! Sasuke blushed! Yeah!! Go Sakura!

"Um, Sakura. Sorry I need to go." Sasuke stuttered for a bit I guess, I can't hear it perfectly. He removed his hand from her waist and removed his school blazer.

"Here, put this on. You're a mess." He said and handed the blazer to Sakura which she gladly took and put on. Will you walk her home now Sasuke? Come on, you have to for the sake of free ramen!

Eh? What? Hey Idiot! Don't walk away! No, Sasuke's walking away! You jerk! Huh? Wait, did I see him smirk?

'**Operation get Sasuke' Step 2: FAIL!**

* * *

"It didn't work again Naruto! I told you it will not work!" Sakura's crying and I can't help but feel a little bad. It was my idea after all. She said she was so embarrassed that Sasuke even saw her bra.

"He lent you his blazer and did I tell you already that I saw him smirking while he was walking away?" I grinned when she looked up and glared at me. "Really?" Her lips curled the tiniest bit and I nodded.

"Now we'll just have to proceed to step 3." I encouraged and it seems to work on her.

"What do you have in mind?" She grinned as she leaned closer. Obviously, she has forgotten her distress a while ago.

**Operation Get Sasuke STEP 3:**** Make Him Jealous**

"You're really an idiot aren't you? How could you make him jealous if he doesn't even like me?" Sakura frowned. Actually, she has a point but of course, thanks to Kakashi-sensei, I know better.

"It doesn't matter," I told her and she raised a brow. She seems confused. "Well what I mean is, if we make him jealous enough, maybe we could make Sasuke-baka admit his real feelings. You get it? We just need to push a little to the point that he cannot stand it anymore." Her eyes widened for a bit.

Well, I've also known that Sasuke is really something. I mean, he's cold and arrogant but because he's my close friend (even though he's an idiot), I know that he has some soft spot somewhere. Sasuke, Sakura and I have always been together and I can see that Sasuke has only shown care to Sakura. Now we'll see if you'll still be able to stand this Sasuke. My ultimate plan!! I will do anything for the sake of free ramen!! Ramen rules the world!!!

"Tell me about it," she raised a brow at me. Aha! Sakura hasn't given up yet and neither do I!

"Tomorrow at 2pm, Sasuke, Shikamaru and I will meet at the video games store. After that, we'll go to Sasuke's house to play video games. If plan A doesn't work then I have plan B." I grinned at her and she nodded, wanting me to continue.

"So Sakura-chan, here's the plan. You will go to the video games store earlier than us and we will 'accidentally' meet there. I will ask you to come with us and you will agree. After that, we will go eat somewhere and we will act sweet!" I am so brilliant!

"We? The two of us?" Hey, what's wrong with that?

"Yup." Sakura frowned again.

"Fine but what if it doesn't work?" Of course, I have a back-up plan!! Have I told you that I'm brilliant? I did already? Well, I'm so great!

"That's when plan B will commence. You know Itachi is very fond of you." I smirked and Sakura blushed a little. You know what, I think that if Sakura will never have Sasuke, she'll definitely go for Itachi. That Itachi is so sweet to Sakura!! The complete opposite of the other jerk Uchiha!

"What am I going to do with Itachi?" I saw her flinch when she sensed (I think) what I was thinking.

"You just have to ride with him if he's sweet and you need to flirt a little." I winked and she looked horrified! Haha, her face is priceless! "Come on, Sakura!"

"Naruto, I'm tired of all this seduction and flirting part! I'm not going to humiliate myself in front of Sasuke-kun again! Nuh-uh!" She covered her face with a pillow. I think she's blushing.

"We have no other choice." Of course we still have but other choices will come when plan B doesn't work. Yeah yeah, I know what you're thinking. I'm the best right? Hahaha!

"What if Sasuke will think of me as a nuisance? Again." She frowned again. Gee, Sakura-chan has been feeling down a lot lately and it's your fault Sasuke!

"Of course not. Have you forgotten that you're still one of his closest friends?" Well, that's for sure. If ever he'll tell her that she's annoying again, I won't definitely forgive him!

"Now Sakura, I need to go. I'm sure you would want to prepare your outfit for tomorrow! Bye!"

* * *

Plan A

Location: A coffee shop somewhere in Konoha (I wish we were at Ichiraku)

Time: 3 in the afternoon

As planned, Sakura is with us right now and we're having coffee. The weather is sick! The rain is making me feel sleepy and just as I thought, Sakura did prepare her outfit today. She looks so gorgeous! If this won't work on Sasuke then I'm sure it will work on Itachi.

I looked at Sakura and she nodded. Time for plan A to start!

"Sakura-chan, you have a chocolate on your lip," I said. I hope I don't look suspicious to Sasuke and Shikamaru. Oh. I hope Hinata isn't here!

"Huh?" She gave me a confused look. That's right Sakura!

I grabbed a tissue and wiped the chocolate on her lip, with a super sweet smile of course! Hah! Take that Sasuke!

"Thanks Naruto!" Sakura smiled her angelic one at me. The one that will probably get any boy she wants except for the young Uchiha of course. Yup, I was sort of having fun as well.

I glanced at Sasuke and he has a confused look on his face. Damn this Sasuke. He was supposed to be mad!

"Don't you think they're a little closer today?" I heard Shikamaru whisper. What's the sense of whispering if we can hear it? Idiot.

"Hn." Sasuke responded. Idiot! You really don't have a heart!

"Naruto, it's not working. Let's just stop this. We look like an idiot." Sakura whispered to me and made sure I was the only one who can hear it. Now that's a whisper.

"Plan B." I whispered to her in response and she nodded.

* * *

Plan B

Location: Uchiha's House

Time: 3:45pm

Yes! Just as I thought, Itachi is here. Now, we'll have to proceed to plan B. Sorry Sakura-chan, I can't do something to help you in this plan.

I gave her a determined look and she nodded at me. Now, in 3..2..1......

"Ah! Sakura! I missed you! You're beautiful as always." Itachi went out from nowhere and greeted only Sakura. This guy really likes flirting. Gah! He stretched out his arms, waiting for her to hug him. From what I've noticed so far, Sakura always turns down Itachi's hugs but this time, she has to hug him. Go Sakura-chan! For the sake of ramen we have to do this!

"Itachi, long time no see!" Sakura hugged him while Itachi brushed a few strands of her pink hair from her face. I glanced one look at Sasuke again, and he was narrowing his eyes. What? Is he jealous already?? Then the plan is working!

"Hey, you're sweaty. Were you playing some sports?" Sakura put out her pink (as always) handkerchief and wiped the sweat from Itachi's forehead. I think Itachi was shocked a little but now, he seems to be enjoying himself. I suddenly want to laugh. Sakura looks like she was really trying hard for this. You know, like a dog trying to be a cat. Haha, but she looks so natural in a way. Was it her innocence?

"Why thank you, Sakura. I was playing basketball actually." The older Uchiha placed his hands on Sakura's cheek. Shikamaru yawned while Sasuke narrowed his eyes more. Take that!

I wonder if Itachi will be willing to give some of his confidence to Sasuke? That would really come in handy for Sasuke.

"Itachi," Oh! Sasuke looks scary now!

"Yes, dear brother?" Haha! Dear brother? That's disgusting! Is he provoking Sasuke more? I wonder if Itachi by any chance knew our plan. He seems to be riding on with Sakura.

"Stop flirting with Sakura in front of me." Here goes Sasuke's cold stare! As if he could scare his brother who is now smirking.

"Why? Jealous?" That's right Itachi! Sasuke's jealous! Come on Sasuke, tell it! Tell it!

"No. It's disgusting." What!?

You're really an idiot Sasuke!!!

'**Operation get Sasuke' Step 3, plan A and B: FAIL! AGAIN!**

* * *

"You know Sakura-chan, I'm starting to think that Sasuke is—"

"Yeah. As much as I hate to think about it, I'm starting to think that he's gay." She didn't let me finish and said so herself. Come on, it makes sense right? If Sasuke is straight, he wouldn't be able to stand Sakura. I'm sure of it. I mean dude, with everything she tried? Seducing, making him jealous and everything! If I were him, I would probably give up from the start.

"Well, Sakura. Let's give a last shot." Hmm, what should we do next to make Sasuke reach his limit? This is the last shot and we can't afford to fail again or else... or else... or else I won't have my free ramen!!! Nooo!!!

"Actually Naruto, if Sasuke really doesn't want me... we don't have to push him to like me you know." What? You can't give up Sakura-chan! What about my ramen? What about my happiness????? Ramen!!!!

"No Sakura! We'll do this and this will be the last, I promise! This might take up to one week but this time, we'll make sure that this will work. Either way, we'll make him admit his true feelings for you." Aha! I just thought of a great idea!!!

"What if it doesn't work again?"

"Then we'll have to admit the fact that Sasuke is gay." I laughed but she narrowed her eyes.

"Sasuke and gay are just too hard to put together Naruto." Of course, she will defend her love. Actually for me, even if he has the looks (like what girls would say), his type is actually the one who is more prone to gayness. Take this from a boy. Handsome men are the one who's most likely to turn gay. I wonder why. If I'll be given a chance to have Sasuke's looks, I will definitely not waste it but unfortunately, I was gifted with so much looks that I can't be more handsome anymore.

"Then we'll see. Why? Are you scared to know if Sasuke is gay?" I laughed again. I wish I didn't sound like I was taunting her though I was teasing a little. I want to know too! If I got enough proof then this will be a shocking news to everybody! That would be great!

"Tell me," she told me. Hah! Sakura doesn't need to hide it. She's actually scared to admit that her love for a long time is gay.

"Come here, I'll show you your new baby!"

* * *

Plan C: Make Sasuke Jealous

Location: Classroom

Time: Dismissal time

Like always, Sasuke's still here. A few of my classmates are still here but I'm sure they'll be gone after a few minutes and the three of us (Sakura, Sasuke and I) will be alone.

"Hey, Sakura-chan! How is it doing with Noctis?" I teased her and she pretended to blush while I saw Sasuke tilt his head a bit to our side.

_Flashback:_

"_Naruto! How? I mean, he looks like Sasuke! He's like the virtual look of Sasuke!" Definitely! I couldn't believe that Square-Enix would be so kind. To think that this might be the answer to Sakura's problems. _

"_This game was only announced yesterday. I'm pretty sure that Sasuke still doesn't know about this. He's not really a fan of Final Fantasy you know." Final Fantasy is really one of the best games! Come on, who wouldn't get hooked to it? _

_You see, yesterday, Square Enix announced that they will be releasing the 13th Final Fantasy this year. They even showed trailers and tough luck friend, the lead character looks like Sasuke. I thought that using him as my prop would be nice and safe. Safe, meaning, we don't have to use real persons. You'll see why._

_END of Flashback_

I asked Sakura to pretend that she has a new crush and that she is totally over him. Yes, I meant Noctis, the main character in Final Fantasy XIII. Haha! At least this way, we won't be needing to use real persons. You know, just in case someone (Sasuke) would consider beating up the poor guy that we'll be using.

"Naruto, be quiet. Someone might hear you!" Sakura 'whispered'. Really? Of course it was not a whisper. It was loud enough for Sasuke to hear. Come on, let's push it a little farther. This should work!

"Well sorry. Hey, you're really serious aren't you?" I told her, almost yell I think as she twirled her shirt as if she's shy. Actually, Sakura and I are having this conversation for three days already and we make sure that Sasuke is always present.

"Sakura, I asked you." I said, trying my best not to laugh, when she wasn't answering. Of course, we're acting!

"Umm.." She stopped. I have to tell you, Sakura's good at this. "Well, yeah. I'm serious about _him._" With this, I finally saw Sasuke move his whole body to us. Will she confront her??

"Sakura," Sasuke called and went to her. This is it!

"What?" Sakura answered and I backed down a bit. I can finally sense a scene here!

"Who's Noctis?" I saw his face blank. This guy is really an idiot!

"Nobody." Sakura answered in a quite cold voice. Cold enough for her sweet voice.

"Is he your boyfriend?" Now Sasuke's expression changed! If I can see it right, he's quite angry I think. Sakura didn't answer.

"what?" Sasuke asked again, his tone is getting harsh.

What. The. Fuck!

Sasuke kissed Sakura on the lips! One.. two.. three.. four.. Four seconds only?

"Umm Sasuke," Sakura's blushing and I am a complete invisible here. Hello? No one is noticing me! "This is Noctis," she pulled out her phone from her pocket and showed it to Sasuke. Hahahahaha! Sasuke's shocked! I can't help but laugh!! Hahahahaha!!!

"You didn't tell me he's a character from a video game Sakura!" He raised his brow and frowned. I can tell it, he's embarrassed for getting jealous over a video game character!!!!

"Well, he looks like you." Sakura blushed again and Sasuke smirked.

"To think that I have to kiss you because I got jealous." The cold Uchiha smirked wider. He is jealous and he admitted it! Woooh! I got 3 things in one show! First, I get to see Sasuke kiss Sakura. Second, I got to see Sasuke admitting that he's jealous! And third, I have FREE RAMEN!!!!!

"Well, isn't it worth it?" Sakura smiled her angelic one to Sasuke and it seems like Sasuke cannot take it anymore. Damn, it's getting hot in this room! He kissed her again, more intense than before.

"Get out Naruto." Sasuke warned in between his hungry kisses. Well, I thought I was invisible but I might as well go out before I see this two naked after making out.

I'm guessing that I'll have free ramen for a year! I deserve it and I can feel it. Life is sweet!

"Go out." Sasuke warned again and I hurried. But before I leave I have to get a little souvenir for this occasion. So my beloved camera, your place is here. Be sure to get everything, okay? Hehehe.

I wonder what I will do with the video afterwards?

Yup, I'm going out now. I didn't think that live make-out session would be hard to watch.

**Operation get Sasuke Step 3, Plan C: SUCCESS!**

"Naruto," Sakura called when I was about to go out. As much as possible, I would not want to look at them again today but she called me and I have to spare a glance again. Shit. Sasuke's kissing her neck!!!! I guess Sasuke held much to himself! He's like a hungry beggar!

"I have to help you someday with Hinata!" She shouted to me before kissing Sasuke again.

Crap! Hinata! I can't believe I helped Sakura-chan when I can't even get the girl I like.

I definitely need help, dattebayo!

**The end.**

**

* * *

**That was fun! If you're curious about who Noctis is, I'll post a picture of him on my profile. He really looks like Sasuke a bit. Only, he's like the human version. He has red eyes too that changes colors. Oh, and I don't own him by the way (Disclaimer). He belongs to Sqaure-Enix.

Reviews!


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